One of the most important factors in my decision to go back to school was knowing that I would have a strong support system emotionally and logistically. I am grateful to be able to say that the outpouring of enthusiasm and encouragement I have received from the people around me has exceeded anything I could have imagined.
Just last week, with less than 48 hours notice, my sister, Martha, dropped everything and flew to Phoenix to help me through one of my more intense weeks while my husband was away at a wedding in France. (OK, it was in Monte Carlo, but including that kind of makes it sound like I’m looking for pity.) How could she come here when her husband was away on business and her son would need to be looked after? Because my mom and stepdad also dropped everything and drove to stay at Martha’s while she stayed with me.
This is not the first time I have been on the receiving end of such extraordinary support. I experienced it for the first time when I spent six weeks on strict bedrest during my second pregnancy and my husband’s job required him to travel regularly. It was then that I learned one of the most important lessons of my adult life:
When people offer help, ACCEPT IT.
I knew that I would not be able to do this alone. I’ve gladly taken a family friend up on her offer to take my kids to school when I have to be at class. I’ve loaded friends’ phone numbers into my son’s phone so he can call them for a ride when something unexpected comes up, and I’ve trusted the shout outs of “let me know if there’s any way I can help” and called friends when I’ve been in a bind. I can do this because I honestly believe that people in general want to see others succeed. They feel good when they can contribute to a friend’s accomplishment or help them through a rough spot.
It takes a leap of faith to act on someone’s generosity at the moment it’s offered. We all know the drill:
Offer.
Decline.
Insistence on sincerity of offer.
Reassured decline.
Appeal for reconsideration.
Reluctant acceptance.
I appreciate the cultural ritual of it all but decided some time ago, thanks to my other, very pragmatic sister, Monica, that it’s just not necessary.
So when family offers to come and help, I gladly accept. When a friend says she’ll pick up the kids to give me a break, I think of how I can spend the gift of unexpected time. And when my husband says he’s taking the kids out for the day to give me quiet time to work, I trust that the boys will enjoy time with their dad and won’t misinterpret it that they were in my way.
When I picked up my husband after his trip to France, we came home to a sparkling clean house, courtesy of Martha. It was her crowning touch on a week spent taking my kids to school at 6:45 a.m., driving the two and one-half hour route after school for their activities, making dinner, helping with homework and managing bedtime.
(If I had been thinking like a multimedia journalist while she was here, this is where I would have inserted a slide show of her in action.)
The most moving part, though, was that Martha refused to accept any gift of thanks from me, saying that she was grateful to have been able to help me. It was her turn, she insisted, to return the help I had given her over the years when she was a single-mom going to college full time and later when she worked toward her PhD.
So if you are thinking of going back to school, consider the times you’ve been there for others and how good that felt. Be willing to ask for help when you need it and accept it when it’s offered. Let your friends and family– like my mother-in-law who will be here in two weeks– be part of your journey and share in your success!
[...] response? “Oh honey, why didn’t you call us for help?” (See my earlier post, “Gettting By with a Little Help… OK, a Lot of Help.”) The truth is I didn’t realize I needed help; I just did what I had to [...]